Building your own nuclear weapons can be a rewarding and pleasurable past-time and may lead to profitable business opportunities. A successfully completed project will ensure home security and may help to reduce interference from the state authorities. While a little more complicated than making compost, this is not rocket science and can be assembled by anyone will a basic understanding of basic nuclear physics.

At it's simplest, the device works when the detonation of a high explosive forces Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction which then rapidly produces a big thermonuclear reaction.

You will need...

• Some uranium or plutonium
• Some high explosives
• A strong container - preferably spherical

2. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Your local recycling center may provide something suitable, or you could perhaps use an old calor gas bottle but make sure it is empty. Do not use tinfoil which is not very sustainable.

3. Now you need to arrange the Plutonium into two hemispherical shapes, separated by a gap of about 4 cm. Use some kind of glue to hold the Plutonium dust together. Try to use a solvent free glue because it will be less hazardous to your health.

4. You will now need the equivalent of 220 pounds (100 kg) of TNT (trinitrotoluene). You can find instructions for creating high explosives on the Internet or in any good library although it may be easier to buy it. The UK is one of the worlds major arms dealers so it shouldn't be to difficult to get hold of something.

5. Pack the explosives around the hemispheres of plutonium. This is easiest when using plastic explosives but other varieties can be mixed with children's modeling clay to create the same effect. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.

6. Place the sphere of explosives and plutonium into the metal container you made earlier. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.

7. To detonate the device, you could obtain a radio controlled servo mechanism, as found in radio control cars etc. but there is a risk that a passing mini cab or pirate radio station may cause an accidental detonation. A more secure alternative would be a couple of unwanted mobile phones, preferable pay-as-you-talk varieties on a reliable network. With a little skill and a soldering iron a remote system can be made that will strike a detonator cap to trigger an explosion within the device. Let's hope you don't get any wrong numbers.

8. It is important that the completed device is hidden from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.

9. Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! However it is best to build more than one. You will need to demonstrate your possession of this nuclear deterrent (see legal notes) so you may like to perform a 'test' detentaion. These are traditionally carried out on remote islands with small populations and little economic interest. If you can't afford the airfare or can't take the time off work, you might consider Scotland as an alternative.

Safety Considerations: Remember that Plutonium can be dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local recycling center, but an old biscuit tin would probably suffice.

Legal Note: The international court of human rights has ruled that nuclear weapons are illegal so it may seem a good idea not to tell anyone that you possesses a nuclear capability. However not telling anyone would defeat the point of having a nuclear deterrent in the first place. The legal (and moral) implications however don't seem to have worried the rest of the nuclear club and once you have your fingers on the button it is unlikely that anyone will feel like telling you off.