Steward Community Woodland - How to make mauls and mallets

Making a small nukiller reactor
Great for providing combined heat and power
while contributing no CO2 emmisions and
therefore eligible for carbon credits.

You will need

1. A very sharp axe or billhook and chopping block.
2. A magnifying glass and some tweezers.
3. A sieve, a tea strainer, and a paper coffee filter.
4. A mug - enamel is good.

Important

Don't forget protective clothing (breathable gortex is nice, but expensive) and protective gloves; perhaps those plastic ones you get at petrol stations.

What you do

1. Collect rainwater in the mug and filter it through the tea strainer, sieve and the coffee filter. Save the now pure water for later use

2. With the tweezers, pick up the smallest single item caught in the filter.
With luck this will be an atom.

3. Place the atom(s) on the chopping block but don't take your eyes off it as they are easy to lose. Get somebody to hold the magnifying glass while you use the billhook to split the atom.

4. Quckly slide the whole lot off the block into your enamel mug - make sure you use protective gloves or you may get a splinter!

5. The water will start to boil. Quickly plumb the mug into your central heating system and use the steam to power a small steam turbine to provide electricity. Voila...!

Note: Make sure you keep the mug topped up with water or you may experience a melt down and will need to get a another mug and start again.

Disposal
We have yet to find a totally satisfactory answer to this issue but are certain that in the future there will be a new technology that will save the day. Perhaps high powered catapults will allow us to fire nukiller waste into far off galaxies or distant neighbourhoods. In the meantime, we are burying our waste in airtight tupperware containers that are wrapped in tin foil. These are shock proof and have been tested for collision damage in high speed bicycle collisions and we are certain that they are safe. They are then transported to a nearby town some distance from where we live and placed in a compost heap in the garden of some poor people, we do of course pay a small consideration to the landlord of the property

Safety Notes
Some people think that nukiller power is inherently a dangerous technology and should be avoided due to the consequences of inevitable accidents and the related releases of radioactive material into the environment. Others blame the cancer hotspots that occur near nukiller facilities on the presence of radioactive contamination but clearly that is coincidental and there is no scientific proof of a link. There is also the issue of disposing of the radioactive waste produced and of course the link between the civilian nukiller power industry and the nukiller weapons industry.

Public relations and planning considerations
While we generally follow a 'just do it' attitude - some people building nukiller facilities have experienced some difficulties with planning authorities and local opposition. If you have the money, you may find that offering to build a new school or hospital in the grounds of your nukiller facility will assure the co-operation of the authorities. This is not a bribe and is perfectly legal - it is called 'planning gain'. To ease the concerns of local residents some people have found that turning their facilities into some kind of theme park with a visitors information center and glossy leaflet has been successful.

Economic considerations: Nukiller power once had a reputation for being cheap to produce - in fact the nukiller industry was once promising free abuntant electricity for the world. However nukiller reactors are expensive to build and operate. We kept the initial cost of our own system down by using common household items - recycled, second hand or produced on site from sustainably managed resources. However we found disposal costs were high since tupperware is not cheap. We tried selling shares to inject new capital into the project but even after offering huge incentives to investors (in the form of Green&Black Organic Chocolate bars), we had a poor response. Fortunatly we have since cut our disposal costs and found new sources of income by producing value added byproducts such as military grade chipped enamal mugs and airtight food storage containers that extend shelf life by irradiating the contents. Extended US & British military action in the middle east has also provided a wonderful market opportunity for our depleted uranium.